Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
