so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize