You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
