I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
