We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
