That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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