OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
