Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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