He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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