He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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