I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
People in love make me want to vomit
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
