I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wanna go halves on a baby?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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