Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
