She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
