I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
