well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
