We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
