Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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