dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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