yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
