So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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