I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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