I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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