I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
