Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
