Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
