okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
