The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
