It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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