we have pet lesbian snakes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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