I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
zippers are such a cool invention
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
