that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
