I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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