im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
