remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
