WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
