So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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