i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize