I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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