I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
