So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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