Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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