two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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