the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
