i think i have herpe
just one?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
