imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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