kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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