so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
