i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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