dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
