walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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