WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
