I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
