Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
