im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
