Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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