Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
