If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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