How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
