I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
