This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
