Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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