So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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