I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
