youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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