He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
