Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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