I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
