My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize