I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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