No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
