party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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