It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
