You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
