I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
