GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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