is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
